CHAPTER 145

2026-04-10

Steroids, besides strengthening muscles and enhancing physical performance, also affect one’s fighting spirit and ambition. No wonder highly competitive people take risks and find it hard to stop.

Speaking of steroids, I am reminded of Canada’s drug-tainted sprinter, Ben Johnson.

Our family of three arrived in Vancouver on September 11, 1988. That summer, the Olympic Games were held in Seoul, the capital of South Korea. The most anticipated event was the men’s 100-meter sprint, featuring the American star Carl Lewis against Canada’s Ben Johnson. The result: the American suffered defeat, and the Canadian won decisively.

Just as Canadians were celebrating, a scandal erupted. It was revealed that Johnson had secretly used a banned substance—steroids—to boost his performance and win the gold medal. His actions were despicable. The medal was stripped and awarded to Lewis instead, but the lost glory could never be restored, leaving a lifelong regret.

I, too, have experienced the power of steroids—though in the form of anti-rejection drugs—after my successful liver transplant. After discharge, I had to take three types of high-dose anti-rejection medications simultaneously, which were gradually reduced over time.

It took me nearly seven months of recovery before returning to work. During that period, I was supposed to rest as much as possible, and in reality, I largely did. However, under the influence of steroids, even while recuperating, my mind constantly generated plans—and I carried them out one by one.

First, during my hospital stay after the transplant, perhaps due to my body’s reaction to the surgery and medication, I became emotionally charged and filled with a strong urge to create. I even conceived the idea of writing a memoir—recording my life journey from Hong Kong to Canada, along with the ups and downs and illnesses I had endured. Images of North Point Estate on Hong Kong Island and the bus terminus on Kam Hong Street frequently appeared in my mind.

Eighteen days later, I was discharged just in time before Christmas Eve. Back home, I recuperated in a room vacated by Lun, who had been living in a residence for seven years; his bedroom had become a storage room.

During that time, aside from constant hunger, I developed a strong thirst for knowledge. I ordered a three-volume biography of Winston Churchill and watched animal documentaries endlessly—recognizing different lions and even commenting on whether scenes were reused footage or original.

After everyone went to bed, although I lay down to rest, my mind remained active. Night after night, before I could fall asleep, I would stare in the dark at the videotapes and discs by the wall, thinking about the five bookshelves in the living room, the books packed in boxes, and the piles of unsorted Chinese and Western magazines and journals—such as National Geographic issues collected since the 1960s, manuscripts, clippings, photo albums… as well as tools, seasonal clothing old and new, bedding, sewing kits, kitchenware, toys, and miscellaneous items.

With a sense of satisfaction and strong determination, I planned how and when to deal with all these belongings. I often didn’t fall asleep until after 1 a.m., only to wake again at 4 or 5 a.m., my mind already at work.

In the end, I not only sorted and reorganized the bookshelves, arranged my collection of books, discs, and daily necessities, but also installed a long desk for my computer and stationery, and painted two walls.

After discharge, my medication was gradually reduced. Three months later, I stopped taking one of the anti-rejection drugs. My blood sugar levels stabilized, and I no longer needed daily insulin injections. My grand ambitions weakened, my stream of ideas and plans diminished, and my mind slowed down.

On one hand, I had already completed some of my plans, which brought peace of mind. On the other hand, my body began to regain muscles, and my physical strength recovered steadily. My back pain eased, and when sleeping on my side, the knee resting on top no longer pressed painfully against the lower leg. I could sleep more soundly.

These medications, besides strengthening muscles and enhancing physical performance, also influence one’s drive and ambition. During that period, I came to understand why competitive people take risks and find it hard to stop.

As for Ben Johnson—years later, he tested positive again for heavy use of banned drugs, effectively destroying his own career.